I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
