Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
