I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
