I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
