I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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