I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
