i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
