Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
