he thought i was a dude.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
