I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
