I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
