you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
