Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
