I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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