I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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