Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
