too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
