This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
