i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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