My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize