I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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