when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
