your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
