Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
