i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
