she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
