There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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