I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Need sex. Gaining weight.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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