You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
