i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
