I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
