i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
