Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
