That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
