If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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