I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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