Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
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