I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Randomize
