the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
