Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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