i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize