What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
