Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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