The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Randomize
