I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Randomize
