Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
