would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize