my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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