So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
