You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
