just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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