You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
