I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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