I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I smell like Dick and happiness
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
