We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
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