Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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