He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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