Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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