I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
