Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
