my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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