i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
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