I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
