I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize