When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize