This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Randomize
