His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
