sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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