I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
