My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
