The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Randomize
