O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
