Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
