You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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