I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
