OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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