i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
