i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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