Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
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