Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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