2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
