Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
