Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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