go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
