She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Is Oprah even human
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
