I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
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