dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize