RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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