He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Pants are for mortals
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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