I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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