i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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