So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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