No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I need to wash the frat house off of me
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
