So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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