we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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