Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I need to sanitize my soul.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize