kristin has been a bad kristin
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
