fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
