1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
