Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
