I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
foreskin is a definite game changer
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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