New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
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